Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Biography of a Nobody

In the luscious privacy of the cool island lake, just past the no trespassing sign, her sun browned skin was being cleansed by the calm water. She floated blissfully, eyes closed in naked oneness and rays of light kissing her soul, as the last of the peppermint castile soap broke free from her knee length hair. Her heart beat in unison with that lake. A heart so tender, so divinely inspired...... it was forever on the verge of the deepest human sorrow and the unbridled giddiness of free soul joy. If you had used a bullhorn yelling ”Open your eyes! You are alone!” She would have smiled with the compassion a guru has for the willing ones at her feet If you had suggested she were lonely she would have giggled madly at your insanity. Though...... you probably would have been right. If you had whispered about her outward beauty she would have been filled with the desperation of a young woman's insecurity.... she would have wanted to believe you.... though she knew you were wrong. All you need to know to understand her, in that moment, is the absolute aliveness of her soul and how it flew beside the hummingbirds flirting with the wind. Her very blood coursed through the soil of these islands. This was the first summer of the rest of her life. She was finally free. A naive eighteen, so completely free!
At last the bombardment of life plan questions from well meaning strangers and family were ceasing. She graduated high school and was in search of life. Just one short month ago a day of contemplation had changed her forever. The voices poking at her soul had been replaying in her mind. “What are you going to do with your life?” “What are you going to be?” “Are you going to go to college?” “What will you study?” “Are you going to the school of hard knocks?” She had stood still surrounded by a labyrinth of paths before her, silencing the voices of others, making room for her own questions to float to the surface of her mind. Life seemed to be less than fulfilling at every turn. College seemed like more of the box, both socially and literally in the classroom. She ached for nature and would have just broken free. From outside the box, peering openly into a well planned life....... she couldn’t shake a terrifying lack of some unknown pathway. A way that would fill her that hadn’t been shown. Their had to be more than college, career, mortgage, marriage and children. She had witnessed each of her parents work for, fight for and lose more than one home. She had moved at least 10 times before she was even 3 years old. The impermanence had a made a indelible mark. To effort so extremely and lose anyway. There must be something more. If Einstein was correct, in that the universe was not just a series of chaotic happenings....... well she was missing a vital piece. That piece sat empty inside her.....begging....... calling out.......... staying elusive.
“What’s it all about?” She had grabbed her question like a world explorer firmly grasps his map. “What is it all about?” She simply sat her question up at the waters edge of her free flowing mind. It wasn’t knowingly a prayer, nor was it a true meditation. It was a quest for truth from the source of all...........both within and without. Several hours later a knowingness filled her empty space with a sudden intensity difficult to relay. “It is all about love!” Her body was tingling with a palpable love and her heart was singing for every man, woman and child. She was quite suddenly in love with the world. She had her answer. Her path would be one of love. She would move in the direction love took her. A phone call shook her from her reverie. It was a strikingly handsome African American body builder she had dated a year or two back. He had lost interest when she didn’t surrender her body to his overpowering needs. Now he was calling to reconnect. The poor boy asked her the question..............”What are you going to do with your life?” With her wide open heart, filled with the ecstasy of her first spiritual knowing, loving EVERYONE so totally.... she told him.... she told him exactly what she was going to with her life. She told him about love. He couldn’t get off the phone quick enough. As high as she had been....... she fell that far down when she realized how alone she would be now. I suppose an awakening in the company of 18 year olds would have been a bit much for anybody.....